It’s been a tough few weeks.
Actually, who am I kidding? It’s been a bloody awful few weeks.
But I’m turning a corner. I think. I hope.
I get scared. I’m so afraid of stress and of ending up as sick as I was when I was in 5th year. I thought I might be heading for that again. I still might. I’m terrified that people don’t tell me what they really think or feel and it’ll all come crashing around my ears one day. I have issues. Once burned and fifteen thousand times shy. I expect I’ll have to see a shrink about all that one day. Or see someone, at least.
I have guy issues. I’m lonely. I want to find Prince Charming. I seem to be surrounded by couples. Other people just find it so much easier to find a guy/girl than I do. Maybe that’s because I have issues. But I prefer to think it’s so Mr Right will be all the better when we do stumble together. I grew up thinking it was average to be married by around about my age. I haven’t even met him yet. I’m going to (comparatively) be an old maid by the time I got married. Me and my Dad (who was 26) in it together. I fall hard and fast. I’m dealing with the heartache.
I have work issues and career problems. I don’t know where my life will be next month, let alone next year. I’m still going to study at ICC, make no mistake about that, but it doesn’t mean I’m not totally freaking out over my lack of direction. I’ll have my dyspraxia assessment soon. Very soon, hopefully. I don’t know what that will be like but I do know the outcome will rule my life for at least the next 6 years.
I’m imperfect. I get paranoid and insecure and stressed out at the drop of a hat. I can’t take last-minute plan changing sometimes (but I think that’s a dyspraxic trait). I rarely warm up before I sing and I hate theatrical warm ups with a passion, although they don’t make me so nervous I get sick any more so that’s an improvement. I hate feeling fake so I show the insecurities and then I kick myself cos I feel like an attention-seeker, look at me, I’m so vulnerable, support me! That’s not how it is. I swear too much and my diet’s terrible.
Deal with it.
I seem to be.
I’m also wonderful.
Life is good today. 
