Any Last Words?

“It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.”
- Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

My gap year has been a blitz. Sometimes I’ve regretted it. Sometimes I’ve loved it. I’ve done next to nothing that I planned to. I’ve done things I never imagined I could. I’ll write a proper blog post on my gap year soon but tonight my thoughts are ahead…

I start university tomorrow. I’m really scared. I feel unprepared and nervy. My hand is sore. I’m worried I won’t make friends. I’ve been talking about uni in the future – far future tense – and suddenly it’s here.

So I have some things to say.

 

To whom it may concern,

I do not promise to be an ideal student. Dear lecturers, I will struggle at times. I will leave deadlines to the last moment. I will have difficulty understanding (and I will blame it, in my head, on my dyspraxic way of reading the world). I will forget things. I will get lost. I will sleep in. I will get emotional at inappropriate moments and I will cry when I get frustrated. I will ask stupid, obvious questions because I’m nervous and want someone to say something in so many words for me. I will be desperately insecure sometimes. I’m sorry in advance for all of this. I promise that I will work AS HARD as I can possibly work – occaisionally too hard. I promise to go the extra mile (most of the time). I promise to connect, have relationship and share my life for the next four years. Thank you in advance for sharing yours.

Dear friends, I WILL get crazy with uni work. I might move away. Don’t be concerned – I love you all (particularly if you’re bothering to read this) and I WILL make time for you. It might take me a little while, but I promise I will always be thinking of you. You do have a special place in my heart and I will not forget you, even if it does take me a little too long to adjust to managing my time now.

Dear Jesus, I’m scared. Thank you so much that I don’t need to face this on my own, and that feeling alone is a total lie. Thank you that this is where You want me to be. Thank you that you care about me enough to care about this. Thanks for hanging out at uni with me, and my placement (though, if you could let me know when that is and if you could make SAAS get their bums in gear, that’s be lovely!) I’m excited about the support I’ll be having to keep you at the centre of EVERYTHING – even my studies – for the next four years. And I am excited to learn more about you, even if it does mean my head will hurt sometimes and I will question everything. Guide me through this – be Lord in my uni life!!

Dear young people who I have worked with – thank you for being who you are and making me who I am. I love you all…occaisionally!! Thanks for making me laugh and, I guess, thanks for making me cry. Thanks for breaking my heart for you and leading me to where I am. I hope you are all well in this moment. Thanks for letting me be a part of your lives.

Dear young people whom I will work with – we’re in for a ride together! I’m already praying for you. I will be insecure, imperfect and insufficient. I’m sorry for the mistakes I will make. I will be there and I will love you. I’m so excited about the part of your life I will be!! I can’t wait to meet you!!

Dear teachers – thank you for your input. Especially Mr Stuart Christie, David Berry (may it continue long!), Mick Fitzsimmons, Mr H, Mrs Ritchie, David, Dickie and the Narnians – thank you all for shaping me.

Mum and Dad, Simon and Carron – you’re the best. I love you. Thanks for being everything to me.

Most of you won’t read this ever – but I’m glad I wrote it.

Going forth into the future with strength in my heart – a flickering candle, but it’s there.

All love, always,

 

Rachel

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